Porkbusters Wrapup: The Closer vs. Senator Stevens
August 31, 2006 by Laura | Trackback URI
Senator Ted “Bridge to Nowhere” Stevens is a uniter, not a divider. Bloggers from the left and right alike worked tirelessly together to apprehend him, and just when the suspense seemed too great to bear, he finally confessed. It was a Kyra Sedgwick moment:
Senator Stevens, a lot of people have been trying to find out who put the secret hold on S.2590, the bill that would create a website to show where all our taxpayer money is going. Now, since you have been called The King of Pork, I was just kinda wonderin if it was you.
Senator Stevens, don’t you have anything to say about this accusation?
No.
Senator, do you think this legislation would help the taxpayers you work for?
It could be expensive. And it might add more beaurocracy.
How would you know? I have a report right here says you didn’t even attend the hearings. Here, I’ll read it for you - “Hart said that Stevens, who’s on the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, failed to attend any hearings on the bill, an assertion backed up by vote tallies.” Do you deny it, Senator? AND you avoided talking to the bill’s sponsor about any concerns you allegedly had. Now, why would you block a good bill like this? Some folks are sayin you have something to hide. But we already know about that little “bridge to nowhere” project of yours. What could be bigger than that?! I’ll tell you what - how about revenge? Coburn said you were blocking it, and I heard it was because you wanted to get even.
That’s right! Coburn blocked my bridge bill, so why shouldn’t I block his stupid little watchdog database?! I’ll teach him to mess with my pork! And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling bloggers!
Thankyeew! Lieutenant, please take the Senator to the haunted amusement park and make him a funhouse exhibit if he tries to run for re-election. And I just got a confirmed tip that Senator Byrd needs to be brought in for questioning.
[If anyone reading this is, you know, actually funny, by all means re-write it and trackback because I'd love to see it...]
Linked to Conservative Cat, third world country, The Bullwinkle Blog, TMH’s Bacon Bits, The Median Sib, and Blue Star Chronicles
//And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling bloggers!//
LOL!! Can I be Scooby?!?! Pretty cool this guy got tracked down. Awesome way to be relentless!!
I couldn’t resist that, or the haunted amusement park. Sure, you can be Scooby if you like. I’d love to be Daphne but I’m more of a Velma type, unfortunately.
You ever see the “adult swim” version of Scooby Doo? I haven’t seen it in a long time but it used to be hilarious.
//You ever see the “adult swim” version of Scooby Doo? I haven’t seen it in a long time but it used to be hilarious.//
Nope, I have the most basic cable ever, no Cartoon Network, but if they ever put Adult Swim on DVD I know what I’ll be spending the weekend watching. Keep up the Funny, it’s needed!