I’ve been contemplating how my pursuit of holiness has gone this year, and it occurred to me that this blog isn’t a bad indicator of how things have gone. I was pleased to note that my faith-based posts still outnumber the political ones. Damning with faint praise? Certainly. But given how easy it is to dash off a political rant or link to a news story, versus compose a personal and thoughtful post on practicing Christianity, I’m not too disappointed with the numbers.

Several times this year I’ve fretted that I’ve been pursuing politics more than holiness. Especially when a blogger I respect called me on it in May. I do think that Christians generally have a responsibility to be well-informed about the political scene and to act appropriately. I believe that’s part of giving to Caesar that which is Caesar’s. In America we have not just the right to vote, but the duty to do so. Our government stands or falls on the participation of its citizens, as the decline of freedom and the growth of government in the last fifty years should make abundantly clear. But I struggle with keeping a good perspective, and often have to be reminded of what Hebrews 11:13-16 makes abundantly clear – this is not my home.

I’ve spent time contemplating the eternal. Nearly everybody thinks there is a heaven and thinks that’s where they’re going. It’s been a topic of more than a little interest to me, as I’ve lost several members of my family this year. Finding how to reconcile the urgency of preaching the good news without falling into the sloppy theology suffered by so many Christians that causes them to behave like Amway distributors has been hard. In the end, all I did was live out my faith as best I could, pray for opportunities, and take them when they appeared. I’ve had quite a few chances to discuss matters of faith with people, and one very dear friend who was always quite hostile to Christianity started attending church with me and is now saved. In fact, she may be co-blogging here before long. She’s an excellent writer with a fascinating background. I hope you’ll “meet” her soon.

The fact that my Christian walk is still not as steady as I’d like drives me up a wall. Why such ebb and flow? Couldn’t I be more like a river than the ocean? I would love to just move steadily in the right direction instead of this two steps forward, one step back. And I wonder if this is the dirty little secret of Christianity that people don’t talk about, that everybody – no matter how holy they appear – suffers through. Or maybe I’m just that much of an idiot. I’m starved for prayer these days, and it’s hard to miss the fact that when I was in constant, grinding, sleep-depriving pain I had a much better spiritual life. Perhaps I should pray for more weakness to delight in but I haven’t the nerve. One thing I haven’t been short on is apologies I’ve had to deliver. And I’m frequently humbled in other ways as well. Lately I suffer a deep dissatisfaction. More meditation time has helped in the past and will again. I know how to change my thinking, if I would just DO it!

I’ve made an effort to run my business in a way that honors God, and the fact that I’m about to merge it with another company and take on a partner – who will shoulder the responsibilities I detest the most – is a huge blessing. And that blessing – along with greatly improved health – is part of a very clear answer from God on how I’m going to spend not just the next year or so, but the rest of my life. He’s been gradually preparing me for some big changes. It’s taking longer than I would like, mostly because my Christian walk is so irregular. Still, He’s bringing me along, one step at a time.

All in all, a very blessed year. And I have the same resolutions this year as I did last year – Jonathan Edwards’. Hopefully this time I’ll get further along with them. I hope your year was blessed. I do pray for everyone who reads this blog – especially those who come here seeking certain types of video. If anyone has specific requests, email me or post them in the comments.