Sex Ed: Inhibition, Not Prohibition

LauraW over at AOSHQ notes the fact that sex ed isn’t working out too well in the U.K. 60% of teen pregnancies end in abortion, but the number of teen pregnancies has still gone up. She astutely notes (AOSHQ fashion) that the reason for this is that kids are idiots. Why do we believe that the same people who can’t even keep their room clean or feed the dog daily without being reminded will remember to take a pill every day or, in the heat of the moment, stop to put on a condom? The kids aren’t the only ones who are idiots.

This video is an interview with Dr. Manny Alvarez on Fox News and has some very sobering info on teen sexual activity.

This Slate article, “Ass Backwards – The media’s silence about rampant anal sex” is shocking. The media is failing to report the number of teenagers who have engaged in anal sex because it is so focused on the number of teenagers who are engaging in oral sex. Unfortunately, all these reports on teen oral sexual activity have the effect of normalizing it. After all, “everybody’s doing it.” And once oral sex for teens is fully accepted and normal, anal sex is the next “shocker” that the media will report on until we are acclimated to it. We are now numb to things that 20 years ago would have horrified us.The Teenwire.com site (run by Planned Parenthood) has quite a lot to say about anal sex. One notable statement: “Some straight couples use anal sex as a way to preserve the woman’s virginity.” The fact that any teenager could accept that statement as valid – and many do, just as many teens do not believe oral sex “counts” as sex – shows how sexualized our culture has become. The fact that one of the questions about anal sex is, “Can it make me pregnant?” is the best illustration that the people this website is designed for are not old enough to be engaging in it.

The stakes are high. It’s not just teenage pregnancy. The vast majority of HIV infections are due to sex. 73% of all HIV diagnoses in 2004 were for males. Of all 2004 HIV diagnoses, 81% of male, and 78% of female HIV infection are due to sex.

My teenaged daughter cannot have her ears pierced without my signature, but could have an abortion without my knowledge if she wanted one. This is the culture we live in. So how do we counteract it? However much time you spend talking to your teenager about sex, you should at least double it. Your teen almost certainly knows how it works – and if not that’s easily remedied – but you need to build a relationship with him or her where you can discuss why and when. Not a lecture. A conversation. Over and over and over again, as an antidote to MTV or whatever they’re watching these days.

We need to (appropriately) inhibit, not prohibit sex. There’s nothing wrong with stoves or with streets, but no one finds it troublesome to prevent their child from touching a hot stove or running out into a busy street. It should be the same with sex. But it’s not enough to tell kids to “just say no.”

Too many Christians simply tell their kids to “kiss dating goodbye” which is good advice as far as it goes, but it’s only a start. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you want something to stop happening, replace it with something else. For example, stop smoking and you’ll start eating. But if you start exercising, you’ll eventually stop smoking. Restricting teenagers to only dating other Christians isn’t helpful, because studies have shown that just like divorce rates, teenage sex rates within the church are not significantly different from the world. Too many Christian parents allow their kids to date Christians and then cease to be concerned about their behavior while alone on dates. They say, “Date, but don’t kiss,” or “Kiss, but don’t touch,” and so on. Other Christian parents imply that the desires of the body are sinful – that teens should feel ashamed and unspiritual for having those desires. That’s not a solution.

Why do so many Christians act as though sex is shameful? It would be better to acknowledge the desires of the body as God-given and explain why forgoing satisfaction of those desires until they can be satisfied as God intended – within the confines of marriage – honors God and brings us closer to Him. It would be better to talk to our kids about what purity is and why they should desire it – and most importantly, how they can obtain it.

The Christianity Today article, Sex in the Body of Christ, describes the discipline of chastity:

Chastity, too, is a spiritual discipline. Chastity is something you do; it is something you practice. It is not only a state—the state of being chaste—but a disciplined, active undertaking that we do as part of the body. It is not the mere absence of sex but an active conforming of one’s body to the arc of the gospel.
…
With all aspects of ascetic living, one does not avoid or refrain from something for the sake of rejecting it, but for the sake of something else. In this case, one refrains from sex with someone other than one’s spouse for the sake of union with Christ’s body. That union is the fruit of chastity.

If we do not teach this to our children, no matter how uncomfortable it may make us because we’re embarrassed to talk about it, or are afraid to be asked about our own sexual history, we do them a grave disservice, because Planned Parenthood and MTV are only too ready to educate our children about sex.