Doubtless you’ve been breathlessly awaiting my return to blogging. (Yeah, right…) Actually, Drew’s done such a great job that I’m confident I haven’t been missed at all. (And Drew, I do hope you stick around even though I’m blogging again.)
Our medical situation is – for now – stabilized. As for me, I’ve got a fresh perspective on medical issues, on the war (we are 4 months away from a family member being deployed to Iraq), and on matters of faith, including the pursuit of holiness. We’re in a really dry time right now, and it’s miserable. Sort of. I’ve always had a particular disdain for the “I’m so happy, everything’s fine,” Christians who seem to view walking out their faith as a PR effort to lead others to Christ. Life is messy, faith is messy… and while the externals are well under control right now, the internals have taken a beating. I will probably write about that at some point, if for no other reason than I think it might be really helpful to others if I come clean about this struggle. It’s not new (“I believe, help my unbelief!”), and I know exactly how to resolve it (the bible is quite clear), but there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to.
Hey, I never claimed to be rational.
Sweet, wb.
I may have spoken too soon – I just got some bad news… I’m heading out now and may not be back for a couple of days.
I actually think it’s a good witness to talk about your suffering to to others while maintaining your faith commitment. That’s one reason why I think God allows suffering.
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Sorry about your bad news. Post to us when you can. Per WK’s comment, it demonstrates more faith when you lean on God during the bad times; the hope of our eternity with Him gives us strength and endurance.
Thankfully, it turned out to be something resolved by a quick doctor’s visit and a new medication.
As to maintaining my faith commitment and leaning on God… that’s my point. I’m not. That’s what I meant when I said “I just don’t want to.” I’m feeling quite separated from God and living as a functional unbeliever; no bible study, devotions, prayer… functional unbelief in matters of daily life in spite of the fact that I honestly do believe in the tenets of biblical Christianity. It’s irrationality along the lines of Paul saying he doesn’t do the things he wants and does do the things he doesn’t want to do. I’m not making excuses, mind you… there are none. In the end it doesn’t matter what my problem is; the solution is clear and not even really difficult. I just don’t feel like doing what I KNOW I ought to do.
Oh Laura! You just described me…a functional unbeliever/believer! I feel the same way.
Now I’m convinced I need to post about this at length.
WB!
I figure if Mother Teresa had to fight years of doubting, but remained loyal, shoot, became world-famous for helping so many… Well, I’ve got a pretty dang good gig, by that measure!
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