The edge of a knife

There’s a scene in the Lord of the Rings where Galadriel warns that the quest is balanced on the edge of a knife. She knows Boromir is being tempted to his limit. I was reminded of Boromir when I read the story of this local police officer who has been robbing Latino motorists, apparently because he felt it was safe to do so, because of their probable illegal status and the language barrier. (The New Orleans area, and for that matter, the whole Gulf Coast, has been overrun by illegal aliens since Katrina. Some studies state that New Orleans has over 30,000.) Some enterprising commenter on the news article dug up former Officer Lutman’s MySpace page, and his “About” section – written sometime before November, 2006, provides this information:

I am a 23 year old male who loves God most of all!! I am engaged and getting married November 4th of this year to the most beautiful and lovely Amy Hauck. I of course am very lucky!! I am about to be a full time officer with Slidell Police Department. Currently I am a Reserve Officer with SPD But its looking like I’m getting full time soon. I love music, both playing and listening. I am one of the worship leaders at my church, Living Word.

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he really is a Christian. So what happened in the last three years to take him from enthusiastic worship leader to thief? No telling. But I know from seeing other Christians fall how it might have happened. You start with some besetting, unrepented sin. It’s the one you’re too ashamed to confess to anyone – and that shame that keeps you silent also keeps you unaccountable for it. And while your emotions are running high and you’re completely in love with Jesus, you’re okay. But you can’t stay on the mountaintop forever – even Jesus didn’t. So when you come down, you’re stuck with good old fashioned obedience – go to church, read your bible, pray. And you don’t necessarily have any big revelation or emotional high as a reward; or if you do, those things don’t last because (again) you can’t live on the mountaintop.

You wonder, “Can I feel this ‘flat’ and still be saved?” And then you try performing works or giving money – surely that’ll get you back in God’s good graces and you’ll “feel” Him again in your life. You work your butt off at that church. You’re tired and worn. And even if you get that warm fuzzy feeling occasionally, you don’t live there. And you mistakenly think you’re supposed to, because isn’t being a Christian all about the joy? And your fellow Christians unwittingly compound your problem with their Pollyanna-ish platitudes or even something as simple as not being open about their own struggles, which stops you being open about yours. And in your misery, that besetting sin starts to look a little more appealing. Oh, you fight for a while. And you might engage in other sins, but since it’s not that one, it’s okay, right? You don’t ask God for help, because isn’t the fact that He’s not responding to your cries for help the reason you’re struggling in the first place? Before you know it, you’re one of the Pharisees in Matthew 23.

Boromir’s temptation which put the quest on the edge of a knife started small. A thousand decisions led up to that point. Boromir’s overweening pride and refusal to accept rightful authority – “Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king,” – his desire to be the hero and bring this “mighty prize” back to his father so they could achieve the victory – his refusal to listen to good counsel because it wasn’t the outcome he predetermined he must have… Boromir didn’t just wake up one day and succumb to the temptation of the ring any more than Lutman woke up one day and out of the blue decided to rob people. There was a process that led up to those points; time after time when he could have turned things around and didn’t. And all Christians can do is be alert and aware, be humble and examine ourselves and our own faults – far more than those of other people – to make sure we don’t succumb the same way. It’s a subtle battle.

This weekend I had my own wake up call, when I realized that part of my anger at God for unhappy events was due to the fact that – to at least some extent – I had come to view our offerings over and above tithe as something of a Danegeld. How, I demanded of God, could you let this happen after everything we gave and sacrificed? Somewhere along the way I lost sight of several important facts, including but not limited to -

• all the money is already God’s and we just steward it
• nothing guarantees us even our next breath, much less health, safety, or a particular lifestyle
• God’s love is not evidenced by certain outcomes – the way we see things on this side is in no way indicative of how we will see things in light of eternity

Oh, on the surface – and I mean my conscious mind; I wasn’t deliberately faking anything – I was grateful God provided that money for us to give, amazed that we could give as much as we had without any discernible lifestyle change (that really was a loaves and fishes type miracle), and thrilled to be part of building the kingdom. But somehow, when the rubber met the road and when I was faced with this adversity – my reaction was to be angry at God for not letting me bribe Him with His own money. The fact that I lacked the introspection to realize how wrong my thinking had become before now is a real problem; part of the reason I believe Peter warned us to be sober and vigilant. I wasn’t. It’s another reminder – no one is safe; no one is exempt. Small things add up to big things when you least expect it. And I suspect that something like that happened with this police officer turned thief.

Whatever happens to him for the crimes he’s committed, he at least may repent and come back to God the same way David, the adulterer and murderer did; as Moses, the hot-tempered, impulsive murderer did; Abraham, guilty of terrible judgment that we still pay consequences for today; Lot, who chose to live surrounded by sin until it overtook him and cost him his wife and his integrity; even Solomon, the wisest man in the world was not exempt – yet all were forgiven. So it can be for Lutsman and so it can be for me.